While I am sure there are many ways to connect the dots here, the short answer is, nothing.
I have worked with a lot of therapists. Seriously, at one point in my life I considered it pretty embarrassing. None of them, however, sent me home to install a bathroom faucet or paint an accent wall. Instead, they encouraged learning to cope in order to redirect some of the anxious energy.
Anxiety has a way of dominating the conversation inside your head, so it took a while to notice the things that helped it before it happened. Starting with an hour long commute to work.
On the long drives into Boulder, CO, I started to notice the difference in my day depending on what I listened to during that hour. If I spent the time in a dark episode of Morbid, I was a little more withdrawn by the time I got there. (Don’t worry, there is still plenty of time for these episodes after work!)
Whereas, if I opted for one of my 2000’s Emo/Alternative Playlists, singing out-loud, I was usually a lot more talkative with coworkers.
Logic.
First of all, as hard as it is to admit, nutrition, sleep, alcohol and physical activity absolutely impact mental health. This feels really unhelpful if you are in the depths of ‘big feels’, because forcing yourself to eat a high protein snack before taking a quick 2-mile run is not a normal response. Similar to burning your hand while cooking, we don’t always retaliate with the most logical action.
After burning our hand – moderately – we continue with the task of moving the pan, or stirring the contents. We shake our hand out, like we can jolt the pain off. When we we finally take the time to look, we see the dim red under the skin and feel the sting. Maybe we grab a wet cloth, or if we have more than a minute, we run the burn under cool water. I would argue that most of the time people just tolerate the burn.
The same goes for people with anxiety. We tolerate it. We learn to work through it, and we learn to wait for a more convenient time to recover from it. Instead of grabbing the metaphorical hot pad (things that make our brain feel good) before we grab the pan, we just accept that burning ourselves (anxiety) is likely to happen.
So while I understand the logical impact these things have on my mental health, I will be the first to admit that I have skipped a few naps, eaten way too many sweets, and adore an evening glass of wine. No one is perfect.
Nonsense.
Opposite of the logical solutions, are the completely irrational ones that actually propel you deeper into where you don’t want to be.
Enter, vices. For me, it’s usually binge eating until I can get control again. If we bring it back to burning your hand, this is the equivalent of feeling the burn happen and letting your hand stay there for just a moment longer in order to finish the task. This, of course, increases the in-the-moment pain, and the time it takes to recover.
Think excessive alcohol or other drugs, extreme spending, over-working out, or retreating into a dark room for 3 days. This is a zero-judgment space, just know that I see you and you are not alone.
Balance.
Let’s just say that before starting to cook, I notice a few things are not quite right. They aren’t the normal pans I use, or there’s more of a rush to cook tonight. I pull out the hot pad and set it in view. It’s there, if I need it. Maybe I grab it before I touch the hot pan, but it’s not a guarantee.
When I wake up, I take a little assessment of where my mind and my body are; tired, sore, energized, well-rested, mentally chaotic or calm. This becomes my kitchen for the day.
On high-anxiety days I opt for breakfast before coffee, when possible.
I listen to a playlist of favorite songs, instead of true crime podcasts.
I refuse to wear jeans and instead go for something loose-fitting – usually one of my wife’s t-shirts.
I mark my lunch time on my work calendar, so that no one tries to squeeze in a last-minute meeting.
None of these, usually, stave off the anxiety. They don’t prevent the burn just by being there, but like the hot pad, they’re available. They work as a reminder to slow down.
Scaling.
Once I figured out the small stuff, I took the same concept and applied it on a bigger scale.
I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home. Amazing for so many reasons, but also, you are constantly seeing a to-do list.
It started small. I would paint walls on my lunch break right after we moved in.
We are big outside people, and our backyard had zero natural shade, so one of the first ‘wood-working’ projects I tried was a super cute privacy wall hoping to block some of the afternoon sunshine from the main patio area.
The wall still stands, but leans in a few directions, is no where near level, and is poorly stained. However, the time it took to plan and build, kept my brain in a focused positive space.
Thanks to the internet, once you have a hobby bug, you’ll never be able to get away from it. Every feed, on every platform was immediately taken over with little DIYs, really ambitious DIYs, and literally thousands of people doing what I wanted to do.
Nothing in This House is Straight has become a way to share how DIY has impacted my mental health and the way I want to continue to use it.
These projects help create spaces and pieces that add value to our life – like open living room shelving to display the things we love, not just the things we have; or the kids room climbing wall, that gives us a fun way to get the last of the wiggles out each day.
Thanks for being here ♥️